The Road To Beardtober 2010: The Wrap-Up

It's finally here! Beardtober has begun! And just in time for some lovely fall weather, too! But now begins the long, arduous quest through No-Shave November, Beard-mas, and of course, Manuary. So here's the final photos... (click for full size)

September 27

September 28

September 29

September 30

October 1

And, for good measure, here's the photo of me from way back on September 1st, when I started this journey:

And now, your final tips.

• Now would be the time to shape your beard, if you intend to do so. First, study your beard to determine when the natural lines are. For the standard beard, you'll want to shave your upper cheeks of those stray fuzzies, and take care of the wings under your ears, by bringing them in line with your sideburns. You may also wish to shave around your neck; in that case, you'll want to bring it up about an inch, or about the same distance as your aforementioned ear wings.
• If you're nervous about messing up your beard shape, procure an eyebrow pencil and trace the preferred shape in and around your beard before cutting.
• Maintaining your beard is SO much easier with an electric trimmer. Get one.
• If your mustache is starting to grow into your mouth, pick up a travel grooming kit from your local drugstore. This should contain (among other things) a small pair of scissors and a comb. Comb the mustache straight down towards your lips, and trim the ends from the corners of your mouth to the center. Use the top of your upper lip as a guide for length, and keep combing as you trim. You'd be surprised how easily stray long hairs can hide.

Until next fall, fellow beard fans.
- Josh

The Road To Beardtober 2010: Week 3

Little late putting this one up. We played a friend's wedding the weekend before last, did a taping in Boston, and then I started my week playing cello for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. So here's the missing week. I'll be doing a wrap-up on Friday. (click photos for full size)

September 18

September 19

September 20

September 21

September 23

September 24

September 25

Not really any tips this time, as I'm saving a few for the wrap-up. As you can see, my beard has more or less leveled out. At this point, you may wish to think about how you plan to style your beard. If you're feeling adventurous, I recommend the "Friendly Mutton Chops" (think Lemmy from Motorhead). See you on Friday!

The Road To Beardtober 2010: Week 2

WEEK 2! Played some shows, grew some beard. I was a bit lazy with the daily photos due to gigs (and that's going to continue this week). I also picked up a cello that I have to learn to play by next weekend, so that's taking up a lot of time as well. The band's in Boston this weekend for a post-wedding gig, so come on out if you're in the area! Anyway, on to the photos... (click for full size)

September 9

September 10

September 12

September 14

September 15
September 16

And some more beardly tips:

• At this length, you may want to start shampooing your face. Think about it: you'd shampoo this length of hair if it was on the top of your head, right? You can wait a while to start doing this, but shampooing (and conditioning) will keep the hair soft and manageable, as well as minimizing dandruff and other itchy things.
• Continue to resist the urge to shave the edges of your beard to create an outline. At this point, you're almost there, but there's no shame in playing it safe.
• If you have pre-existing facial hair like me, keep trimming it back every few days until it syncs up with the rest. If it's not exact, don't sweat it: once the entire beard grows out, no one will notice.

See you all next week!

The Road To Beardtober 2010: Week 1

It's been a pretty eventful week for us. We went into Akdar Studios in Bernville, PA, to do a test recording, which came out pretty awesome. I threw a Labor Dabor BBQ, which was also pretty awesome. And, as promised, I've been keeping tabs on my beardiness. So here it is, the week in review... (click photos for full size)

September 02

September 03
September 04
September 05
September 06September 07

September 08

And now, some helpful tips for maintaining your awesome beard:

1. WASH. YOUR. FACE. I know it sounds like a given, but all that new hair is going to retain even more facial oil and grime than you're used to. Thoroughly wash your infant beard daily to prevent buildup and dandruff.
2. It's going to be itchy. Really, really itchy. Use a moisturizer if it gets out of hand, but the daily washings will help significantly.
3. Resist the urge to style. Yes, that means having a neck beard for a little while, but the wait is worth it. The hair lines won't be fully defined for at least 2-3 weeks, but most likely a month, and you risk ruining your beard by attempting to shape it too early.

See you all next week with more photos and tips, and good luck on the road to Beardtober 2010!

- Josh

The Road To Beardtober 2010: A Photo Essay

Beardtober: A portmanteau of "beard" and "October"; the event of growing a totally awesome beard for the month of October.

For the uninitiated, Beardtober is an annual event of dubious origins (I credit the creation to my old college buddy Charlie), in which participants attempt to grow the best beard they can during the month of September. This adequately prepares one for the events of Beardtober, mostly due to the fact that one now has a beard.

Those who know me, know that I occasionally grow an awesome (or "fuck-off") beard during the winter months. While I've participated in these hirsute festivities before, I've never attempted to document the transformation. To that end, I'll be photographing myself daily during September. Every week, I'll post a progress report showing the week's growth, as well as helpful tips for maintaining your beard, should you choose to join in.

Now behold, the commencement of Beardtober 2010! It should be noted, as I look real funny with no facial hair, I have kept my goatee. I will trim it back as the beard comes in.

Josh's New Job

So...

A few weeks ago, I found an ad on Craigslist simply titled "Music Writers Needed". The job promised a position reviewing albums for an online music magazine, with such perks as free music, free shows, and the chance to interview famous musicians. The only catch: it was an unpaid position. However, they were looking specifically for a metal writer. I said "What the hell?" and responded. A few days later, I was the newest reviewer for MXDWN! I recently completed my first review, which went live a few days ago. In a trial-by-fire twist, the first album I had to cover was only tangentially related to metal. It's TOOL frontman Maynard James Keenan's trip-hop side project Puscifer. Check out the link below, and keep your eyes pointed at my Facebook page and the band's Facebook for more reviews as they come! And if you like it, feel free to click that ol' Like button and/or send it to all your friends! PLEASE feel free.

Puscifer - "C" Is For (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference HERE)

How Josh Single-Handedly Destroyed His Band's Reputation As Philly's Least-Tattooed Band: A (single) Photo Essay

It all started in the car on the way home from a gig. Having just played the Pillar Lounge in Reading, PA, we were driving home (or more accurately, Dan was driving) and Dio's 1983 classic Holy Diver was the album of choice. Because you are the driver. You own the road. Somehow, we got into a discussion about the merits of Ronnie James Dio vs. Ozzy Osbourne, and after having the Internet prove that Dio is in fact several years older than Ozzy, I also informed everyone that Dio was suffering from stomach cancer. His website indicated that the chemotherapy was working, the treatments were becoming less frequent, and Dio had plans to return to touring with Heaven & Hell (a reformation of the Dio-era Black Sabbath) as soon as he was better. Offhand, I mentioned that if Dio should for some insane reason NOT survive, that I intended to get a memorial tattoo to commemorate his life, and his impact on mine.

Sure enough, two weeks later, Dan calls me to break the news: Ronnie James Dio had lost his battle with the dragon. He was 67. Right then, I remembered I had a promise to keep.

Over drinks (because Dio was DEAD, dammit!), I told my ladyfriend about my vow, and that I intended to keep it. After some discussion, we settled on ground rules: no colors, and no birth/death dates. I said I'd sleep on it to see if I really wanted to go through with it, and I did a bit of research to find the perfect place. Thanks to the good folks at Yelp, I chose Olde City Tattoo on 2nd and Chestnut. When I woke up this morning, I was still committed. And off I went. But before that, I printed out a graphic of the Dio band logo.

Interesting side note: If you look at the logo upside down and don't mind that some letters run together, it reads "devil".

I drove up to Olde City around 1:30, parked, and went into the shop. I was greeted by a very lovely young woman named Jamie, who took my printout, got all the necessary details, and scheduled me for 6:30 that night. Appropriately enough, I heard Black Sabbath's Heaven And Hell playing on the stereo, which was a good enough omen for me. A little bummed that I'd have to wait, I returned home and did some laundry, assorted household chores, etc. I just hoped I could maintain my excitement until then, although the $40 cash deposit helped to ensure that.

I returned at the appointed time and met Smitty, a large, imposing, and heavily tattooed individual who would also be my artist for the evening. He led me to the chair and gloved up, then sterilized my shoulder and shaved the area. He applied what I can only describe as a temporary tattoo tracing of the design to my shoulder, checked the placement, then had me look at it in the mirror. Satisfied with its location, we began some of the longest minutes of my life.
He removed a fresh fine point needle attachment from a sterile bag, hooked it up to the power supply, and started with the outline of the letters. It was not as painful as I had imagined, mostly like getting a series of very tiny shots again and again. Certain areas were more painful, but overall very bearable. The fine point work took about 25 minutes, at which time he let the work rest and applied some salve which changing to the larger shading needle. I hadn't been watching much, because really, who wants to see themselves getting stabbed repeatedly for any length of time, but I glanced down now. I was so far pleased with the progress. It actually looked good as it was, and I thought about stopping there, but I decided against it. If Dio could handle stomach cancer for six months, I could deal with something poking me for a little while longer.

Smitty began the shading, which was MUCH more painful than the fine work. The process is the same as shading on a piece of paper, except it's your damn arm. This part only took 20 minutes, thankfully. I had been taking Smitty's advice to keep breathing, and it definitely paid off here. After a while, you sort of tune the pain out and focus on the Van Halen record on the radio. The shading completed, Smitty applied a heavy coat of ointment, and let me take a look on the mirror. My first reaction: "DIO!" Second: "This is for real-real now." Smitty put a bandage on it, gave me the care instructions (and a free sample bottle of Lubriderm to keep it moisturized), I gave him $60 more dollars, and said goodbye.

As I headed home, all I could think about was what I had just done to myself, and how the damn thing was starting to burn. Upon arrival, I lifted my shirt to show my ladyfriend and discovered that the tattoo was bleeding much more than I expected. I dutifully left the bandage on the requisite two hours, then washed it off and put some Lubriderm on. At this point 4 hours later, it's just a little itchy, and still bleeding lightly. So how'd it turn out? Was it worth the 45 minutes of Lilliputian spearing? And the possible loss of this T-shirt? Take a look for yourself.

You're damn right it was.

I'll miss you, Dio. But your music will live on in my heart, and your sweet sweet logo on my arm.

RONNIE JAMES DIO
1942-2010

Josh's Top Ten Favorite Records Of 2009

So we're all doing some sort of top ten list for the end of the year, and while it could be about my favorite scotches (cheap stuff: Johnnie Walker Red, good stuff: Laphroaig), I'm going to take the coward's way out and do my top ten records. Now to clarify, these are the ten records that I enjoyed the most this year. Only four of these records were actually released in 2009. It's mostly metal (go figure), but they run the gamut of said genre. So here they are, in alphabetical order, Josh's top ten records of 2009.

1. Alestorm, "Black Sails At Midnight" (2009)
If you like pirates, and you like metal, then look no further. Scotland's own Alestorm does them both. Billing themselves as "True Scottish Pirate Metal", a stab at Norway and their concern with black metal's realness, this quartet plunders their way though the folk-metal subgenre. I mean, these men have actually made it their job to be pirates. They're the smartest guys on the planet. Also interesting to note is that this is one of the few instances where I accept the use of keytar in a band. Why, you ask? Because Christopher Bowes keeps it firmly set on the concertina patch. For songs about keelhauling, sea monsters, and rum, this is the place.

2. Black Sabbath, "Heaven And Hell" (1980)
By far the oldest record on the list, this classic had me hooked during the summer months when I was reading through my colossal compendium of metal. This is the first record with new singer (and my personal favorite) Ronnie James Dio, and he takes the band to new heights with his ability to sing something other than the exact same thing the guitar's doing...Ozzy. And while Dio's imagery and metaphors only make sense to Dio (why must I bleed for the dancer?), it's still my top Sabbath record.

3. Daft Punk, "Alive 2007" (2007)
Daft Punk's Discovery was the record that first turned me on to electronic music. We got really baked and a friend put it on, and I was sold (and hungry). Since then, I've been waiting for them to top it, and this is the closest they've come. The robotic French duo put on this concert in Paris as part of their world tour, and I was amazed to discover that they actually performed. Using sophisticated touchscreens and Ableton Live software, the group mixed and matched songs from their three studio albums and threw the most expensive rave the world has ever seen. Not surprisingly, the album won the 2009 Grammy Award for Best Electronic Album, and the mashup of their two biggest hits, "Around The World" and "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" won them the Best Electronic Single.

4. Dethklok, "Dethalbum II" (2009)
As a big fan of the metal, I was very excited to find the Adult Swim program Metalocalypse, and even more excited when they put out the first Dethalbum in 2007. Brendan Small's ability to lampoon death metal while simultaneously making it cooler is unmatched. So imagine my excitement when I learned that there was to be ANOTHER Dethklok record in 2009. I picked it up the day it came out, and was pleased to find that it was every bit as good as the first one. To paraphrase The Onion's Leonard Pierce, in trying to be a good joke metal band, Dethklok has somehow become a great death metal band. Of course, the record is more enjoyable if you've seen the show, but that doesn't fully detract from the awesomeness. And it doesn't hurt that the touring version of the band features such metal luminaries as Mike Keneally (ex-Frank Zappa and Steve Vai) and Gene Hoglan (ex-Death and Strapping Young Lad). Which, by the way, was one of the best live shows I've ever seen.

5. Diablo Swing Orchestra, "The Butcher's Ballroom" (2006)
I found this Swedish band while using the very fine StumbleUpon application for Firefox. Intrigued by the concept of a metal band that incorporated jazz elements, I gave it a listen, and immediately grabbed it off their website. As it turned out, the band does use jazz elements, but not exclusively. There can be found electronic, flamenco, and classical elements as well, blended in such a way that it cannot be described with words. The eclectic instrumentation (2 guitars, cello, upright/electric bass, drums, and operatic soprano) only furthers their cause. This would be worth a listen for those of you who think that metal is not for you. Go. Go now!

6. Iron Maiden, "Edward The Great" (2001)
For the longest time, I was very much against "best of" collections. I just couldn't bring myself to purchase what I perceived as a butchering of the artist's intentions for commercial gain. This collection, I believe, is the one that changed my mind. I realized that it might be in my best interest to be familiar with an artist, even if I didn't want to pick through 20-plus years of recordings to find the good stuff. It was under this pretext that I purchased Edward The Great. It sat dormant on my computer for about 4 years, until this summer. After doing some reading on Iron Maiden, I gave it another listen, and was so taken that I went out and found as much Iron Maiden as I could. But this collection, often considered the definitive Iron Maiden "best-of", is still my favorite, and a great way to begin with this seminal British metal band.

7. The Lonely Island, "Incredibad" (2009)
The following review is brought to you by Chex Mix.
Those who know me well, know that I am not always the biggest fan of hip-hop. Like every genre, 80% of it is total fish poop, and gives the other 20% a bad rap (ba-dum-dum!). This comedy album from trio The Lonely Island (featuring current SNL member Andy Samberg) is a charter member of that 20%, and proves that hip-hop/R&B can be self-deprecating without being bad. With instant classics like "Dick In A Box", "Space Olympics", and the side-splitting "I'm On A Boat" (featuring auto-tuner extraordinaire T-Pain), this record got a fair amount of play in the band van. To this day, whenever we hit that one section of the NJ Turnpike that makes the car feel like it's on the water, someone will yell "I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget!"

8. Mastodon, "Crack The Skye" (2009)
A record sure to be on Dan's top ten as well, Mastodon's latest release is their best as well. A concept album following a young man who astral projects, comes untethered from his body, and winds up in Czarist Russia getting help from Rasputin, it finds the perfect blend of brutality and melodicism. But the best part for me, as Dan put it, is that Mastodon completely alienated all their hardcore fans with this record. Everyone who liked Mastodon because "they're so fuckin' heavy! WOO!" is gone. And good riddance. Those guys didn't like to shower. Anyway, this would be a good path into the world of Mastodon if you can't stomach the face-melting variety of metal. Just know that the other records may liquify your innards. WOO!

9. Probot, "Probot" (2004)
Another StumbleUpon find (those guys are great), this was a side project of Nirvana/Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl. You see, Dave was a big metal guy before he went all grunge/alt-rock, and now that he's rich and powerful, he decided to explore his roots. As Grohl is a talented multi-instrumentalist, he plays nearly everything on the album, save for some of the guitar solos (which are ably handled by former Soundgarden axeman Kim Thayil). What made this record for me was the guest list. Grohl apparently convinced not one, but ELEVEN of the biggest names in heavy metal vocals to appear with him. From Cronos (Venom) to Max Cavalera (Sepultura, Soulfly), King Diamond to Tom G. Warrior (Celtic Frost), and the incomparable Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead), the record is a star-studded tour-de-force. I laughed! I cried! And so on. The only complaint you may have is that it sounds like Grohl wrote all the songs for the specific vocalists, i.e. the Lemmy track sounds like a Motorhead tune, the Max Cavalera track sounds like a Sepultura tune, etc. Indeed, Cavalera performs his track, "Red War" during live sets with Soulfly. Regardless, don't miss the hidden track at the end, with Tenacious D frontman Jack Black performing "I Am The Warlock". Or the video for Lemmy's track, "Shake Your Blood", featuring a whole bunch of the Suicide Girls.

10. The Sword, "Age Of Winters" (2006)
A record that apparently falls into a blanket area called "hipster metal". You know, the kind of metal that people who hate metal listen to. The kind that gets featured in Guitar Hero. The kind that the rest of the metal community looks down on you for listening to. But screw those guys, right? They don't shower anyway. I found this one on Leonard Pierce's "The Decade's Best Metal" on The Onion a few weeks ago (a great list, check it out). To me, it's actually stoner metal for people who hate stoner metal. It's low and sludgey, and evocative of early Black Sabbath. It has appropriately mystical/historical lyrics (see "Lament For The Aurochs"), but it's just fast enough to keep it from being boring. And it's nice to hear a metal drummer who doesn't use a double bass pedal. Plus, anything in drop-C tuning is my kind of music. So don your trucker caps, white belts, and skinny jeans, and let us away to Valhalla!

- Josh

Look Out! Rainbows!

So as I drove home from the musical this evening, Kanako and I were listening to Black Sabbath's Heaven And Hell, and we both laughed out loud whenever Dio screamed "LOOK OUT!" For those of you unfamiliar with Ronnie James Dio, he has two primary lyrical themes: 1) rainbows, and 2) caution. I began to wonder just how often Dio used the words "rainbow(s)" and "look out" in his lyrics, so I decided to find out. Thanks to darklyrics.com and my browser's Search function, I have compiled a list for you.

Black Sabbath songs with the phrase LOOK OUT

1. Children Of The Sea
2. Lady Evil
3. Slipping Away

DIO songs with the phrase LOOK OUT

1. Holy Diver
2. Rainbow In The Dark
3. The King Of Rock And Roll
4. Hide In The Rainbow
5. Why Are They Watching Me
6. The Prisoner Of Paradise

Black Sabbath songs with the word RAINBOW(S)

1. Wishing Well
2. The Sign Of The Southern Cross

DIO songs with the word RAINBOW(S)

1. Rainbow In The Dark
2. Breathless
3. Evil Eyes
4. Egypt (The Chains Are On)
5. Sacred Heart
6. Hide In The Rainbow
7. Dream Evil
8. I Could Have Been A Dreamer
9. Born On The Sun
10. My Eyes
11. Otherworld

If we extrapolate the data, we can see that without Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler looking over his shoulder, Ronnie James Dio will increase his usage of both phrases. We also find that rainbows are far more important than being cautious. We see 9 songs featuring LOOK OUT, but 13 songs featuring RAINBOW(S). Finally, there are two cautionary tales about rainbows in the Dio mythology: "Rainbow In The Dark", and "Hide In The Rainbow".

I have another hilariously metal post in the pipe, so stick around, and until then...LOOK OUT!

- Josh

Things I Learned On The Toilet, Volume I

I do a fair amount of reading, and like most patriotic Americans, I do most of that reading on the toilet. A few years ago, a friend turned me on to Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, an annual publication specifically designed to be read while pooping. I currently own about 15 of them, and I've read them all at least twice. As such, I've picked up more than a few useless facts. Here are some.

1. There is, in fact, a heirarchy of clowns. Top of the pile is the whiteface clown, characterized by a mostly white face, often with bright red triangles around their eyes. He's the one dishing out the pies and seltzer. Next comes the grotesque whiteface clown, a notable example being Bozo the Clown, featuring a multi-colored wig, sometimes with a bald cap. This clown is often the butt of jokes. Third is the auguste clown, with Clarabell from "The Howdy Doody Show" being the best known. And finally, the tramp, bottom of the pecking order, best portrayed by Charlie Chaplin in his "Little Tramp" movies.
2. James Buchanan was our only bachelor president, and it has been speculated for decades whether or not he was gay.
3. Famed hairdresser Vidal Sassoon was a member of The 43 Group in post-WWII England. He and his comrades fought in the streets against the remaining Nazis and fascists who were still sermonizing to the public.
4. General George S. Patton came in fifth in the 1912 Olympics in the "modern pentathlon", which was designed to showcase the skills required of the military. He placed high in horseback riding, fencing, swimming, and running. However, he missed the target twice during the shooting event, and lost to four Swedes.
5. Thomas Adams, the inventor of Chiclets, was actually trying to create a cheap rubber substitute. He received the chicle (sap of the Mexican sapodilla tree) from none other than General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, the man responsible for the massacre at the Alamo. He hit upon the idea to manufacture gum after noticing how much Santa Anna liked chewing the chicle.
   
6. President Zachary Taylor's remains were exhumed in 1991 to test a theory that he had been assassinated by arsenic poisoning, posited by one Clara Rising. The relatively low levels of arsenic found could be explained by the medications and folk remedies of the day (which often contained things like lead, arsenic, and mercury). The results destroyed Rising's budding literary career.

Isn't history cool? If you too would like to be a washroom wizard, check out any of Uncle John's Bathroom Readers, available at fine bookstores everywhere.

- Josh

I Got Nothin' (Sorta)

For real. I have very little going on that I haven't already talked about.

I'm still in the middle of that show about women, and it's absolutely become a job. I don't want to go, but I need the money. And on rare occasions, it's fun. Recently we started dicking around and trying to add classic movie themes into the middle of songs, whenever possible. Day 1 involved the theme from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". The guitar player managed to sneak it in just about everywhere. As the bassist, it's a lot harder for me to include these things. Day 2 was a particular challenge. We were trying to work in any music from Star Wars. Have you every tried playing the Imperial March in the middle of "I Will Survive"? Not entirely possible. However, playing the riff from Peter Gunn during "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" actually works pretty well. If anyone can think of movie themes that are easy to insert (a la Close Encounters), please let me know.

Also, I've been reading an exhaustive history of heavy metal music called Metal: A Definitive Guide by Garry Sharpe-Young. He spent 20 years culling all the information and interviews, and has organized the bands (about 75 of them) by type. It starts with Heavy Metal, such as Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, and Budgie, and goes on from there. It includes some of my favorite bands in there, such as 3 Inches Of Blood, Testament, Nevermore, Lamb of God, you name it. It's about 8" by 9", with size 6 font, and 500 freakin' pages, man. It took me 4 days to read about Black Sabbath alone. (On a very smooth side note, Paul Donato, one of the many, many replacements for vocalists Ozzy Osbourne and Ronnie James Dio [inset], fronted the band Keep under the pseudonym Michael McDonald following his Sabbath career. The band also featured Mark St. John of Deep Purple and KISS drummer Peter Criss.)

And finally, even though it's in the Twitter, Dan took the new EP over to DiscMakers in Camden to get pressed. Should be back very shortly, at which point you will buy it. Not may buy it, WILL buy it. You can't see it, but I'm glowering and shaking my fist at you through the computer.

In summary, apparently I did have some stuff to talk about.

- Josh

Thank the Good Dude, It's Over

Josh here. It's been a while since I blogged, and with good reason. I've spent the past 3 weeks doing my darnedest NOT to fail out of grad school.

Well, to be fair, not to fail one class. But it was a doozy. However, I successfully earned a D+ in said class, so life rolls on. I will miss looking like Macaulay Culkin, though.

I've also been tied up with the closest thing to a real job I've had in 5 years. Since the end of April, I've been performing in RESPECT: A Musical Journey Of Women at the Act II Playhouse in adorable Ambler, PA (adjacent to Norristown, and a short hop from the imposing-sounding BROAD AXE). And let me tell you, if you think men are scum, if you remember the 40s, and if you want to sit in a theater and go "mm-hmm" for 2+ hours, then come on down. Seriously, the show definitely panders to 50-and-up female crowd, but it IS a pretty fun show. All the actresses are really nice, and the pay is good. But you will feel like a dick for having a penis (ba-dum-bum) if you sit through this.

One of the crew pointed out to me that there's only one man in the entire show who doesn't get a bad rap, and it's Dr. Martin Luther motherfucking King. The rest of us didn't have a prayer.

The band is finally working again after an unexpected hiatus (much of which was my fault), and we're looking forward to our upcoming show this Saturday, the 23rd, at Doc Watson's. It just so happens to be our 50th show, as well as James' 29th birthday. It's going to be a time, so come on down! I'll be screeching in around 11:15, minutes before our set, as I have a performance of RESPECT that night as well. Ah, the joys of professional musicianing.

Until next time, keep on tranglin'. (?)

Why I Love Heavy Metal (or, "Turn Off That Damn Racket, Josh")

There's always one guy in every band who listens to all sorts of heavy metal. In this band, it's me (mostly). Dan is also into the metal (but not always), and Nick seems to listen to anything. The only person I have to appease is James. Due to being raised on The Beatles and other lyric-and-melody-based pop/rock, he doesn't have the patience for it. He'll put up with my noise, but only to a certain point. Consequently, we've reached an agreement wherein I am allowed to listen to metal in the car only AFTER shows. Since I'm almost always the one driving back home at 2 AM, I need something to keep me awake, and that something is loud and terrifying.

I enjoy listening to music that would render most men blind and impotent. For some reason, I gravitated towards this particular style in my teens. My mom didn't really listen to music when I was a kid, so I had to figure things out for myself. The turning point for me was hearing Disturbed on the radio when I was about 14. It was just so heavy (at the time) that I immediately went and bought the record. I also discovered through my online friends (back when instant messaging was used for meeting new people, and not getting sodomized by middle-aged men) the magic of Metallica. I think it's a bit strange that I went for this music, as I don't recall being an angry teenager, although I did sport dreadlocks and an eyebrow ring in high school.

The National Guitar Workshop (at which I taught for 4 years) was a big influence as well. I attended as a student for 2 years before getting a job there, and I spent most of my time hanging out with the metal kids. They introduced me to Dream Theater and Rage Against The Machine (okay, not really metal, but still awesome), and gave me my first taste of death metal. At the time, I really couldn't handle it. The guttural vocals prevalent in the style put me off. It wasn't until very recently that I was able to stomach it. It's not about the lyrics, since you can't understand half of them anyway. It's about the energy, the power, the sheer brutality of the music. To me, this is the point of all metal. It makes you want to bang your head, jump around, wear tight leather pants, and occasionally sacrifice children and farm animals to your chosen pagan god.

Even though I'm not in a band that plays this kind of music, I still listen to it constantly. I'm listening to Shadows Fall as I write this. And I'm sure it creeps into the bass lines I write for our songs. It's certainly the reason that I have two distortion pedals in my arsenal.

In closing, here are 18 metal bands you should listen to (it started at 5, but I couldn't stop), and an album from each to get you started. Rock on.

1. Mastodon, Crack The Skye (a current favorite of myself and Dan)
2. In Flames, Reroute To Remain (the album that brought me to melodic death metal)
3. Slayer, Reign In Blood
4. Children of Bodom, Hate Crew Deathroll
5. The Devin Townsend Band, Accelerated Evolution
6. Fear Factory, Demanufacture
7. Tool, AEnima
8. Lamb Of God, As The Palaces Burn
9. Meshuggah, Chaosphere
10. Rammstein, Mutter (German dance-metal)
11. Pantera, Vulgar Display Of Power
12. Nevermore, Dead Heart, In A Dead World
13. Skindred, Roots Rock Riot (Welsh reggae-metal)
14. Necrophagist, Epitaph (the best band you will ever hear)
15. Spiral Architect, A Sceptic's Universe (this will mess you up)
    
16. Testament, First Strike Still Deadly
17. Living Colour, Vivid (the only all-black metal band I know of)
18. 3 Inches Of Blood, Advance And Vanquish
    

Hump Day (sorry, had to do it)

So this is Josh's day. I make the low rumble-y sound in the band. I also post my thoughts on Wednesdays. Not my thoughts about Wednesday as a day, but thoughts that happen to occur to me while it happens to be Wednesday. Although I may talk about Wednesday as an entity as well. Got it? Good.

Wednesdays are currently my favorite day. Why? I have nothing to do. I'm currently working on a Master of Music in Jazz Studies at the University of the Arts here in Philadelphia, and I have Wednesdays off. It's pretty sweet. I get to take care of all the "life" stuff, like laundry and dishes. It's also nice to have a mini-weekend in the middle of the week, especially considering that I don't always get a real weekend. Lately I've had a lot of shows (Sobriquets or otherwise).

Speaking of shows, if you're interested in seeing me do stuff other than rock out, I'll be playing bass at the Merriam Theater on Broad & Spruce for the world premiere of "Does Your House Have Lions?", a UArts interscholastic collaboration of epic proportions. It's a large performance piece based on an autobiographical book of poetry by Sonia Sanchez, with music by Philadelphia composer Evan Solot, as well as acting and dance. The dates are as follows:

• Friday, April 17 - 7 PM
• Saturday, April 18th - 7 PM
• Sunday, April 19th - 2 PM

See you next Wednesday.

Josh